Thursday, July 21, 2011

McSweeney's

Okay, I'm not gonna jump around the subject, if you follow my blog, you know how much love I have for Jesse Eisenberg.
I am not ashamed, because sometimes I can't even fathom his existence.

Besides the fact that, yeah, he's actually really good looking and is this amazing person who fosters cats and reads to children and listens to musical theatre and basically is everything that most women I know would like their future husband to be, he's funny.

And yes, I have proof.

Said proof lies on the website McSweeney's. It's always been a pretty interesting and relatively amusing website, (Mike Lacher's posts are very good, I suggest you visit it) but Jesse's features are hysterical.

Snippets:

A POST GENDER NORMATIVE MAN TRIES TO PICK UP A WOMAN AT A BAR. -

Hey, how’s it going? Mind if I sidle up? I saw you over here sitting alone and I thought, that’s fine. A woman should be able to self-sustain. In fact a lot of women are choosing to stay alone, what with advances in salary equitability and maternity extensions, and I think it’s an important and compelling trend.

I noticed that you were about to finish your drink and I was wondering if I could possibly watch you purchase another one. And, at the risk of being forward, if you could possibly purchase one for me.

MARXIST-SOCIALISTS JOKES.-

A Marxist-Socialist walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he’s unionized.

***

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

A Marxist-Socialist.

A Marxist-Socialist who?

A Marxist-Socialist who wants to give you a pamphlet about class struggle.

***

What did one Marxist-Socialist say to another?

Like you, I also advocate a proletarian revolution culminating in collective ownership.


Just, please. Someone explain to me how it is fair that people like this exist, and yet the guys that I meet think playing beer pong and watching Jackass are worthwhile ways to spend their time?


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