Thursday, July 21, 2011

McSweeney's

Okay, I'm not gonna jump around the subject, if you follow my blog, you know how much love I have for Jesse Eisenberg.
I am not ashamed, because sometimes I can't even fathom his existence.

Besides the fact that, yeah, he's actually really good looking and is this amazing person who fosters cats and reads to children and listens to musical theatre and basically is everything that most women I know would like their future husband to be, he's funny.

And yes, I have proof.

Said proof lies on the website McSweeney's. It's always been a pretty interesting and relatively amusing website, (Mike Lacher's posts are very good, I suggest you visit it) but Jesse's features are hysterical.

Snippets:

A POST GENDER NORMATIVE MAN TRIES TO PICK UP A WOMAN AT A BAR. -

Hey, how’s it going? Mind if I sidle up? I saw you over here sitting alone and I thought, that’s fine. A woman should be able to self-sustain. In fact a lot of women are choosing to stay alone, what with advances in salary equitability and maternity extensions, and I think it’s an important and compelling trend.

I noticed that you were about to finish your drink and I was wondering if I could possibly watch you purchase another one. And, at the risk of being forward, if you could possibly purchase one for me.

MARXIST-SOCIALISTS JOKES.-

A Marxist-Socialist walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he’s unionized.

***

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

A Marxist-Socialist.

A Marxist-Socialist who?

A Marxist-Socialist who wants to give you a pamphlet about class struggle.

***

What did one Marxist-Socialist say to another?

Like you, I also advocate a proletarian revolution culminating in collective ownership.


Just, please. Someone explain to me how it is fair that people like this exist, and yet the guys that I meet think playing beer pong and watching Jackass are worthwhile ways to spend their time?


Thursday, July 14, 2011

Loosely curled fists.

I recommend that the entire world and universe read the following:

Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin

Crush by Richard Siken

---

My emotions are currently turbulent because of life in general and also because of Harry Potter. To cheer myself up, I watched Woody Allen's amazing film 'Crimes and Misdemeanors' (I am jealous of that man's wife.) It worked and I was in a wonderful mood and doing that thing where I laugh about dialogue three hours after I hear it, because it resonates so much.

All was well.

Then, because I am apparently both an idiot and a masochist, I read Giovanni's Room and my soul cried. After I recovered from that, I read Crush; probably for the same reasons as above - don't worry, I'll have that checked out - and now I have to blog otherwise I'll die of empathy.

I'm not exactly in a state where I can coherently explain to you how these pieces are so good or exactly why you should read them, but what I do want to do is leave a quote from each here on this post, so that you can see the writing style and the elegance with which both men write and how beautifully they convey emotion and the human condition.

So here:

1. Giovanni's Room

“I do not know if his hair has been cut or is long – I should think it would have been cut. I wonder if he is shaven. And now a million details, proof and fruit of intimacy, flood my mind. I wonder, for example, if he feels the need to go to the bathroom, if he has been able to eat today, if he is sweating, or dry. I wonder if anyone has made love to him in prison. And then something shakes me, I feel shaken hard and dry, like some dead thing in the desert, and I know that I am hoping that Giovanni is being sheltered in someone’s arms tonight.”

2. Crush

"You're in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won't tell you that he loves
you, but he loves you. And you feel like you've done something terr-
ible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself
a grave in the dirt, and you're tired. You're in a car with a beautiful boy,
and you're trying not to tell him that you love him, and you're trying to
choke down the feeling, and you're trembling, but he reaches over and
he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your
heart taking root in your body, like you've discovered something you
don't even have a name for."

Really, it's just the kind of literature that makes you think that maybe love is worth the trouble, and that is phenomenal.

PLEASE BUY THESE BOOKS